Book on dating rules for women
In the intervening years between then and when I my met my (non-loser) husband, I unfortunately had to learn this lesson over and over again: You Are Better Than a Lot of the Men Who Ask You Out.
Criticism of The Rules was primarily directed at women — that it encouraged women to play games, that it made women manipulative.
The Rules proposes to correct that lack of agency by taking away even more of your agency. Women still don't have a ton of agency in early courtship.
In 2014, Ellen Lamont, a sociologist now at Appalachian State University, published two studies of heterosexual dating rituals among young men and women living in the Bay Area.
17: "Let Him Take the Lead"), and above all happy and busy, breezy and lighthearted.
In her later interviews with post-college men and women, Dr. Lamont did, that the fear of appearing "desperate" kept women from taking the overt lead in dating. Bogle whether this is a case of men not actually knowing what they want and women deciding it for them? Men can say, "I'd like women to do the asking and the paying," but nonetheless the moment she reaches for the check feels awkward, for both the man and the woman.
"An analogous situation," says Bogle, "is that men say they'd love it if their wives made more money than them.
She found that though most of this group identified as progressive and even feminist, those who cited marriage and children as a goal nonetheless stuck to traditional scripts while dating.
"[T]he message from The Rules was definitely brought up frequently by the women I interviewed," said Dr. "Women worry about appearing too desperate should they decide to pursue a man, and they worry this judgment will come from both men and other women." She stresses that women were, however, "quite active" in securing dates — they would arrange to run into a man they were interested in at a party, for example.