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We are sincerely answering the question about eye contact while fellating with an affirmative (instead of, say, just wholesale vomiting onto our screens). But it seems like we’re still conforming to the expectation of the modern male, fueled by his sexual education via many uninterrupted hours of internet porn.

We are liberated, but we are still conforming to the requests of a man. I worry I’m getting old and becoming more old-fashioned than I ever was. We squeal with delight throughout degradation, we moan when we want to say “Ouch! ” We are still playing by men’s rules; we are still trying to accommodate what men want instead of explicitly stating how — that — we want to be loved. The person who needs the other person less has the power. There is no one who has figured out how to do that.

There were “Rules” facilitators who were trained by programs run by the authors.

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We want to be loved and cared for or something, right? There were thousand-word features in this newspaper and others. There was an episode on the “Oprah Winfrey Show,” Oprah barely containing her skepticism and, maybe, was that disgust? There were think pieces about feminism (but not so many, for the budding internet was in its largely pre-take days). She thought flirting was permissible, but that it was an art. The problem with “The Rules” isn’t that it shouldn’t need to exist (though, yes). It was a time when almost every single movie ended with a wedding, no iota of nuance to be found anywhere, even if the woman in the movie had just spent 83 minutes prior making a case as to why she didn’t want to be or shouldn’t be married.It was a time when even subversive-seeming characters on “Sex and the City” could only be happy when they finally found husbands (except, of course, for Samantha, who was too much of a derelict to acquiesce and too old to have kids so what’s the point? It was a time when the Learning Annex featured seminars on how to find a husband in 30 days, and no kidding this seminar came with a CD to listen to while you slept.To sometimes be intimate with someone you didn’t even end up meeting in real life. I used a somewhat obscured picture of myself and I used my middle name. These days, a man will vie for your heart by sending you a picture of his penis as the first interaction you’ve had — not to upset you but to entice you (all these years later, men do not understand how penises work for women).There are untold amounts of men who want to know if you will make eye contact while you are fellating them. I found that out when I went on the apps disguised as a man. We believe in sexual satisfaction now, yes, but also we are not offended by the asks.

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